The Fruitcake Diet

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.

But, no, there is no such thing as a fruitcake diet.

Well, not exactly. The real fruitcake diet is this – you simply don’t eat the fruitcake! Not now. Not ever. That’s your diet for ya. It should be very easy to do.

The simple truth about eating fruitcake is this:

1- it doesn’t taste good

2- it is not that good for ya

3- the calories are not worth it

4- there are better things to eat

5- you don’t want to be known as a fruitcake (consumer)

A given 1.5 ounce slice of fruitcake looks like this nutritionally: 224 calories, 26 percent of calories from fat, 7 g fat, 3 g saturated fat, 39 mg cholesterol, 40 g carbohydrates. So not that bad, but not that good. Seriously. It will take a brisk 44-minute walk to burn it all off. And who is going to do that over the next couple of days with all that snow out there across the country??? The answer is – not you.

Also, a given fruitcake typically has no vitamin A or C. Again, about 224 calories of junk.

The only people that want you to eat the fruitcake is Aunt Gladys at 224 pounds herself, and maybe your mom. That’s it. Two people. You can easily persuade them that you are saving room for other items at the table.

So, again, this is not a fruitcake diet because we don’t believe in diets because Diets Suck. Right? Right.